Home, Holidays, Happenings and A Giving Heart

For starters, this Christmas has not been the typical holiday season for me. I had envisioned myself busied with a new child who should have been 3 weeks old today. The thought still haunts my mind and moving forward has been challenging. Things I once found to be beautiful and memorable, such as decorating our home and tree, sending Christmas cards and finding the perfect gifts now seem trivial. The mere sights and sounds of the season have caught me off guard on many occasions, only to leave me with melted emotions and on a great search for HOPE.

On a happier note, my search for HOPE has been accompanied by the search for JOY in an effort to reclaim my life. How do you reclaim your life one might ask? One step at a time, one day at a time and in your own customized way. So, I wound myself up once again and went in search of fulfilling this void in my heart.

My quest started with giving myself a swift kick in the pants and forcing myself to decorate the outside of my house. Armed with fresh garlands and greens I pushed on to make our little cottage resonate the sights of the seasons. Once it was finished I felt a sense of accomplishment and gave myself a high five for taking a step in the right direction.

However, as you all know, those highs aren't long lived and you find yourself in the dumps once again. In another attempt to remedy the Holiday Blues I decided to indulge in some baking in the form of Snicker doodle cookies. Thanks to another blogger, Lauren, who shared her recipe, I was successful in making some scrumptious cookies! Thanks Lauren!!!

Then, to add more holiday sparkle to the mix I spurred myself on to fill 88 luminary bags (with the help of another sweet neighbor) to be lit throughout our neighborhood! What a beautiful and peaceful sight to see all those luminaries glimmering about in the night. It was a sight that made me happy, if only for a few hours. Why does the happiness come and then retreat? I wish I only knew....

Now, when a Happy day comes my way I savor every moment, as you never know what is around the corner. I'm speaking of a "real" happy day, one that feels good, fills your soul and gives you that warm fuzzy feeling! As was the case the day I received a beautiful gift from my sweet friend Shandrea, another baby lost Mother, with such a "Giving Heart". Her gift to me came in the form of a gorgeous crystal heart with a personal inscription. It reads, "An Angel in the Book of Life, Wrote down our baby's birth, and Whispered as she closed the book, Christian, too Beautiful for Earth. I cried many tears when I opened this gift, as Shandrea had just lost her second angel, a baby girl Xavien, just days before. Yet, she still managed to take time to share love with another baby lost mama despite her own grief. The gift is beautiful and so is the giver. I stand in awe of her grace and have named her Amazing Grace. Visit her blog and get to know her loving spirit at www.lovingmyangels.blogspot.com

Lastly, I pray that each of you has a wonderful Holiday season filled with love. I'm looking forward to saying good bye to 2009 and am faithful that 2010 will be a year of healing as we move forward in search of our dreams. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you all. Much love and peace be with you as we celebrate the "true" reason of this glorious season.

Angels Among Us

Ever have one of those days when you feel as if you are in the midst of a storm, yet you fight with all you have to find your way through it. I suppose I found myself in "that place" on Monday as I was working for a client. My day started off doing numerous things for my clients and ended with with me dropping off some pieces of art at a local gallery. While there, I talked with the gallery owner about the particulars of some specific things I was looking for and was quickly distracted by a small painting.

The small painting that I had zero'd in on was small, but magnificent. It peaked my interest, as the colors were vivid and happy, which I must admit brightened my day. Sometimes its nice to feel the storm pass, if only for a few minutes. I continued my conversation with the gallery owner, but was distracted by this little piece of art that I was so mesmerized by.

Noticing that my eyes were drifting off our conversation and onto the piece of art she asked if I could interpret the subject. I said "yes, it looks to be an angel". She said that indeed it was an angel and I asked the particulars of price, etc...only to discover it was SOLD. My heart dropped and I instantly felt blue, as I so loved this painting and the price was within my budget. Defeat and disappointment filled my already aching heart. Yet, this is the story of my life I thought, defeat and more disappointment.

The gallery owner could see by the look in my glassy eyes that I was disappointed. Actually, I was just trying to get myself together and not show my emotions, although they were apparent. I told her I would have liked that particular piece, but that I suppose it was not meant to be. Then, she said she'd contact the artist and ask her if she'd by chance paint another piece or perhaps she may have another piece. What a nice gesture, but I know this artist only does one of a kind pieces...it was a farce!

I left the gallery and found my way once again through the days storm and couldn't take my mind off what I had seen. It was beautiful and it made me happy and it reminded me of "my angel". But it was SOLD.

The next day I had to stop back by the gallery and noticed the most spectacular painting. I looked at it and once again felt the same happiness, as if a ray of sunshine were beaming down on me. The gallery owner pointed to the painting and said "it's yours, she painted it yesterday just for you" Tears filled my eyes as I tried to find words. Finally, in broken speech, I said "it's beautiful and I love it" She told me that she sensed it was special and had "spoken to me". Then, I told her my story....

To me, this angel represents my angel, and the painting is even more special, as if you look closely on the right side you will see your angels too. The artist had no idea who she was painting for, but only knew it was for someone who liked her work. And miraculously, she created something so tailor made! Today, the paint is still wet on my treasure, the tears are still fresh on my face and the pain is still real in my heart, but that sense of happiness that shines upon me when I look at this piece is as bright as an angels HALO.



Thank you Terri for creating something so "perfect" for an Angels Mommy, someone you've never even met.