Turkey Day Treasures

Hello Sweetest Bloggie Friends!  Happy Monday!

Whew, where to start?  Last week was one busy, busy week!  But what fun it was and how good that felt is indescribable.  And I am SO VERY THANKFUL for all of the many blessings that I have received.  Although our entire family could not be together (which was sad) we still had a wonderful time, great food and so many things to be grateful for.

Hubby's parents arrived on Tuesday evening and made a bee line for the bump, which they said was not in sight, but believe me it is!  I laughed and said "its hiding under this dress".  My comment lead to curiosity and before I knew it the little pumpkin was receiving bump rubs from his/her grandparents.  I'd always thought I would be weirded out by people touching my bump, but after struggling to conceive I'm okay with sharing this miracle with family and close friends.  Bump rubbing equates to love and I'll take it!  I want to share this child with all those who are so happy for us.  By the way, Nana (my Mom) and Hubby are obsessive bump rubbers :)

Here is the weekend in Pictures

Relaxation!  Hubby enjoyed every second of his time away from his hectic schedule.  And I enjoyed having him home :)

Nana making her famous Chicken n Dumplin's for Wednesday nights dinner.



Cooking!

Hubby's Mum assisting Nana with making the Dumplin's

The table is set and we are ready to give thanks for all that we are so grateful for.  This year it was my turn to say the blessing, which I was glad to do, but it was so incredibly difficult.  I started off by thanking God for our families, both near and far, and for the food that we were about to receive...the hands that prepared it, etc..Then, I began thanking God for our miracle and well, the flood gates opened.  I had to stop two times, as the emotion over came me.  I'm just so incredibly thankful for this little life and vowed to raise him/her to honor our Father.  On a funny note, my MIL said Amen twice before I finished, as I suppose she thought I was at a loss for words.  Instead, I was all choked up.  When I finished my prayer I looked at my Mom and FIL and they were both in tears.  The love they have for this baby is so immense already.  And its very apparent "now" just how hard they have been praying for this miracle as well.  I suppose when I was in the depths of despair it just wasn't that visible.  So when you think that your families have forgotten your struggles or have moved on from your loss...they haven't...they are just trying to act normal, but the HOPE is there for you, I promise.  Take it from someone who is seeing things from another perspective.

Simple Centerpiece

Usually, I go all out and do an array of multiple flowers as a centerpiece, but this year I decided to KEEP IT SIMPLE.  I suppose this is part of my new found "simplifying my life" technique that I am practicing.  Therefore, I decided to use a rectangular glass box, fill it with water, drop in some votive candles and add fresh orchids that I cut off the stem.  And Voila!  Takes a table from Drab to Fab in minutes!  You can use any type glass container for this centerpiece and there are many varieties of flowers that float.

Entrance to our house

I have to admit that I am sad to see the pumpkins go and for Thanksgiving 2010 to come to a close.  I love this holiday, as its simple and a time to reflect on how Thankful we are for the many, many blessings we have.  To know how truly fortunate we are...richly blessed.

Now, the house is quiet, things are returning to normal and the left overs are in the fridge.  Things are slowly returning to normal and I miss the chaos.  Time flew by so quickly last week that I could hardly believe when I woke this morning that I'd reached the 18 week mark!  Talk about continued Thankfulness :)  And on Saturday I even managed to head out and gather a fresh wreathe and some garlands to decorate the front entrance.  Hubby was sweet and did the honors of "Hanging of the Greens", under my direction. LOL  It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas around here...and for the first time in a long time, it feels good.

On another note, please continue to pray for those who are struggling this holiday season.  My heart aches for all of you, as I can relate to the heart ache and vast array of emotions.  Also, please send up prayers for my IRL friend A who suffered her first failed IVF.  Her heart is so heavy.  Continue to pray for my dearest friend Grace, as this is such a hard time for her...love you sweet friend.  Please send continued prayers to my Fab 5 friend Angie, as she is such an inspiration, but her heart is heavy.  And prayers to my Kindred Spirit too.  And on a happy note, I can not tell you the JOY that I felt when I read my blogger friend Rachel's latest post.  She and her Husband received "the call" just days before Thanksgiving (completely out of the blue) that they would soon be bringing home their son via the miracle of adoption.  I can not tell you how hard I cried when I read that post, as I have prayed for this miracle.  Rachel, if you are reading, my heart is SO FULL.

Best moment of the week:

1)  Being with our family

1)  The tummy kisses the little pumpkin gets every day from Daddy

Okay, so I will stop for now....have a wonderful week!  Know that I continue to pray for all of you and ask that you keep the three of us in your prayers.  I will admit, I do struggle from time to time with anxiety and fear, but do my earnest to "live in the moment".

God Bless and Much Love 

ps  Jenny H.  If you are reading...HUGS, as I can't post on your blog.  Not sure why, but I promise I'm reading :)

Life's Happenings & 16 Weeks! Part I

Happy Sunday Sweetest Bloggie Friends!

Whew, where to start?  This has been one busy week that has flown by in the blink of an eye...not sure where the time has gone!  For starters, I've been compelled to "lessen our nest" by going through various drawers, cabinets and closets to rid them of things we no longer need or rarely use.  I've organized along the way and divided things to sell, take to charity and stuff that just plain needed to be ditched.  My closet was the most daunting task and is not nearly finished, but I got a good start!  I had many clothing items to donate to Good Will and many others that I plan to post on Ebay and sell.  And lots more to go through, but I plan to get it done :)

Next, was the Honey Do list that I made for my Big Love.  He is always willing to do whatever I ask of him, but likes to have his list of tasks.  Needless to say he's been super busy moving furniture, vacuuming, cleaning ceiling fans and some yard chores.  Oh, and part of the reason is that we are hosting both his parents and my Mom for Thanksgiving.  I wanted to get a head start on things, as I'm moving at a little slower pace these days...but as I said, I'm getting it done!

Another amazing item on the list of Life's Happenings this week was a visit from my Kindred Spirit, Deni.  She was traveling through Memphis and took time to stop in and see me.  Our first face to face meeting was absolutely wonderful!  We've talked to one another for well over a year and finally we got to meet.  I'll be honest in telling you that I was like a child awaiting Christmas the night before she arrived!  I'd envisioned our meeting and it was just as I knew it would be....it felt like I'd known her forever!  But the best part of all was getting to give her the BIG HUG that was SO long over due :)  I'm going to blog more about our visit and will post photos in another post this coming week, as Deni has the best pictures on her awesome camera.  Love you to the Moon & Back sweet friend!!!

Another exciting item this week...I've reached the 16 week mark!  Well, I will actually be 17 weeks tomorrow, Monday...I'm just late posting.  The little pumpkin is growing away, thus all the round ligament pain and uterine stretching.  The round ligament pain and uterine stretching come periodically, but nothing that I can't endure.  I've also had some hip discomfort when sleeping, but nothing terrible and I just try to adjust body position accordingly.  Overall, I feel good and try to do things in moderation.  I'm doing my absolute best to drink, drink, drink...water that is!  Let me just tell you that getting 64oz of water a day is a challenge!  Its a drink and hunt regimen...drink lots of water and hunt a potty!  But, I'll take it, all of it :)

Here is a picture at 16 weeks.  The bump is a bit more pronounced these days and I've shopped for some maternity clothes this week.  My sweetest IRL friend J went with me to do some wardrobe planning at a local maternity boutique (as did my precious Kindred Spirit) and it was great having her with me.  I never knew how difficult it would be to find fashionable maternity clothes, but I refuse to be defeated and found some goodies.  My favorite item was a Michael Stars Dress and a great sweater by Nuka.  And I discovered the maternity designer Olian who makes fabulous things at fair price points.  However, I am still on the hunt for some great leggings.  Any ideas ladies?  Also, any designers that you all love?  Your favorite items?  I'll take all the tips that I can get on dressing a bump fashionably :)

16 Weeks

Michael Stars Cowl Neck Dress

(I purchased it in color: Eggplant)

can be purchased at Pickles and Ice Cream

Nuka Draped Jacket/Sweater

Can be purchased at Nuka

Other happenings this week....Saturday night, we took our friends A & I to an NBA game.  Our team, the Grizzlies were playing Lebron James and the Miami Heat.  This was the most highly sought after ticket of the season and the house was FULL!  The game was SO exciting and our Grizzlies did not disappoint taking it to the wire and winning with a buzzer beater shot.  However, the best part of the game had to be the hot pretzel that my Hubby's friend surprised me with....how sweet, as this guy had to scour the entire stadium to find it!



Final Seconds



A BIG WIN!

My Brother and his family have moved to Nevada and My Little Love just experienced his first snowfall there.  He had also been skiing.

Finally, the BEST MOMENTS of the Week.....

1)  Hearing the pumpkin's heartbeat on doppler for the 1st time!

1)  Getting into the car with my Hubby and him telling me that he wanted to play a song for me...it was Arms Wide Open by Creed.  He then said to me "do you know the meaning?"  Oh my, cue the tears!  He's so in L-O-V-E with this baby. 

Have a Fabulous week...enjoy your families and friends this Thanksgiving and know that I send love and prayers to you all.  I know this holiday can be very difficult, as it was quite trying for me last year, but hold on and know that I will be lifting you up.

Today's Verse:

Psalms:  Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.

God Bless You and Your Family

15 Weeks! Round Ligament Pain Anyone?

Happy Friday Sweetest Bloggie Friends!

I hope that each of you are doing well and looking forward to a nice, relaxing weekend....I know that I am!  Whew, what a week!  All I can say is there are lots of changes going on in the little body of mine and I'm feeling them all.  This week brought about some achiness in my right lower back which felt naggy and numb, went down into the buttocks and caused discomfort.  It felt as if it were coming from my sacroiliac joint on the right side and persisted from Tuesday thru today.  Although today it seems to have moved from the SI joint into my right hip. 

Diagram of Where the SI Joint is located

Yesterday I felt pretty good, despite the naggy back pain, and was at work doing some things and feeling industrious...putting out some new Christmas merchandise, etc...  And then all of a sudden when I sat down in a chair I had the worst pulling pain in the area of the bikini line.  I've never felt anything like this before...definitely a new sensation.  It caught me off guard and only lasted about 2-3 minutes and went away when I stood up.  Again, I chalked it up to quirky round ligament pains, but do have to admit it was scary. 

Have any of you or are any of you experiencing these lovely "new" sensations?  Don't get me wrong, I am NOT complaining, as this baby is worth every second of discomfort....really worth it :)  If so, do you have any insight on therapies or exercises that help to ease the pain?  I plan to call my OB and see if my thoughts are correct and see what she has to offer.  So far, I've managed with warm baths, light stretching and sleeping on my side with a small pillow between my knees.  Any further insight appreciated.

Also, do you all have recommendations on what kind of pregnancy pillow to buy?  I'm thinking now is the time to investigate options. 

Hope that each of you have a wonderful weekend.  It's in the 70's here, high of 78 today, so I need this pesky back issue to resolve itself so that I can get some much needed work done in my garden.  I did manage to plant some more pansies this week and they look super sweet smiling at me each day when I leave my house.  Love those flowers and highly recommend them to all, even those in chilly climates. 

Butterfly pansies...look at the center!

Okay, have a Fab weekend!

Ciao,
Andrea

Honoring our Veterans!

Because of THEM, we are FREE

Honoring ALL of those who serve our beautiful country.

&

 Those who've given their lives for the freedoms we celebrate today.

*A very special thanks to my brother who so selflessly serves this great nation.  He has spent countless hours deployed in harms way, risking his life for our freedoms.  Countless hours away from his family, all for his fellow American, and given his all to service that he believes in from the depths of his soul.  These men and women who wear the uniform sacrifice SO MUCH for all of us and I am grateful.

HAPPY VETERANS DAY!

Reflections on My Life & The Parallel with Another

Happy Sunday Bloggie Friends!

Today, feeling a little sluggish, I decided to be good to myself and take a little time to indulge in me.  The indulgence included some TV time, which I usually don't take the liberty to watch.  At any rate, I did some Chanel surfing and came across Guiliana & Bill and had many reservations about even watching the show.  Not because I don't like them or their reality show, but that I was guarded in the subject matter being of infertility and loss.  Honestly, I wanted to run as far from the TV as possible...did not want to take that long, difficult walk down memory lane and selfishly did not want to feel someone else's pain.  However, I decided it might be more beneficial to reflect that to do what I do best....run away.

Minutes into the show, I realized the lives of a celebrity couple and the lives of an ordinary couple, in an ordinary town were very much parallel.  The 2 episodes that I watched proved to be more of a documentary on infertility and life after loss than an reality show.  Guiliana and Bill bravely opened their lives to the general public in a time that we all know is more than difficult.  To be selfless enough to "share" such a journey (IUI and IVF) and reveal intimate moments is truly as testament to their character and willingness to help others.

Upon opening, the show begins with Guiliana going for an 8 week ultrasound to discover their baby had no heartbeat.  I cried a river, as I had lived this exact moment and could only imagine the immense pain in that moment, but what was most riveting was "knowing" the tough road that lie ahead for her.  Grieving the loss of her child, the loss of a dream and loss of a life they worked so hard to plan.

In later scenes, her generous Dr., comes to her apartment to discuss what has happened.  He is kind and reiterates to her that "she did nothing wrong to cause this".  However, like many of us, she is still trying to come to the realization that her Dr's analogy is truth.  I will be honest in telling you that I struggled with this constantly.  The question "what could I have done differently to prevent this" weighed on my mind for months.  Yet, now after almost 2 years I can finally accept that I did nothing wrong.

As the show progressed, I was impressed with how the producers hit all of the KEY elements of loss following a struggle with infertility and how openly the story of G&B was told, from their personal perspective...no candy coating, but real, true and honest.  And I saw so much of me along the way.  It was as if I was reliving my loss and the many months that it took to work through the grieving process.  Some of the high points were as follows:

Disappointment
She feels the same disappointment that we have all felt and is even doubting herself, which is the total opposite of a woman who has always been in control of her destiny.  I feel this too...I had always been in control of every aspect of my life.  If I wanted something I would just go and get it!  At one point G says "I've been a winner all my life".  However, with infertility, you realize that its one thing you can't just go and get and that was SO hard for me.  I don't know if I ever fully came to terms with it.

Loss of Interest
Following her loss, G and Bill continue working on the completion of the beautiful home they are building in the suburb's.  A home that was purposely planned for children and the progression of their lives together.  But, G has no real interest in working on the home, as its a reminder of what she's lost.  I remember not wanting to work on anything home related as well.  It was as if home was just not the same since our dream had faded.  In all reality, I lost interest in many aspects of my life.

Distraction
As time progresses, G decides that Chicago is a grim reminder of what's happened to her and wants to return to LA and once again work from there.  After our loss, I immediately threw myself into a huge design project, as I now realize that I was running from the pain.  I needed to indulge myself in anything that would occupy my time and keep my mind from reliving what had gone so horribly wrong.  The distraction was wonderful, but proved to be short lived, as you can't run from your troubles....sadly, they follow you.  But, I will say that distraction proved to be one of my major coping mechanisms.

Pregnant Friends
G goes to lunch with her best friend who is pregnant and it turns out they conceived just 5 days apart.  Talk about heart wrenching!  Oh dear, I lived those moments of watching others progress while I stood in quicksand.  G cries as she talks with her friend who is supportive, but you can see that she just doesn't quite understand the depth of G's pain.  I suppose unless you have lived the nightmare, you will never know "that" feeling.

G talks with her friend about trying again and tells her that she is not ready.  She explains that IVF takes such a toll on you mentally as well as on your body.  I can remember being in a place where I just did not know if I could put myself through it again.  It seemed so easy for my husband to be positive and want to try again, but I needed time to heal and protect my heart.

Male v/s Female Thought Process 
During one episode they touch on the differences in how men cope with infertility and loss as opposed to how women cope.  G is just trying to work through all that she's been thru and her hubby is offering up slogans of  "winners never quit and quitters never win and its all gonna work out".  While its endearing to be rallied on, its also quite isolating.  I remember my husbands glass half full mentality and honestly there were days that I hated that he was so content and positive.  I wanted him to feel what I was feeling, to know my pain and not be so overly optimistic....there was no way he could know what the future held and it sickened me that he was so sure of the situation.  He was not the one counting calendar days, taking meds, injections, and going to follie checks, etc... Yet, when I look back, I realize that he did not know what to do.  Like G's hubby Bill, my hubby kept trying to "fix it".  He knew that I was hurting and just wanted to make it better...he saw this as his job, his role. 

Telling Others about Your Loss
Another key element that G&B touch on is "telling others".  While I felt that she was much life myself in not wanting to share her loss, B was of the opinion that talking with others would be helpful.  Honestly, I did not want to tell anyone and didn't for some time.  It was if I did not want to face the reality of what I perceived at that time in my life to be a personal failure.  I didn't want the stares, the looks of pity, the empty words, the sympathy.  And it seemed that everyone said and did all the WRONG things.  I told my therapist that I could write a list of all the things not to say to someone who'd lost their child.  To which she politely replied "I'm sure I've heard them all".  Anyway, looking back, both Bill and my husbands perspectives were somewhat right in that talking to others and hearing their stories is healing.  I'm thankful for those who have been so open and I'm grateful that a celebrity couple would go on camera in front of the whole world and tell their story and share their heartache, as I know it will help someone else.

Going to Therapy
Later, G's dear friend talks to her and suggests that she try therapy.  G has never been to therapy, but is open to going and talking with someone.  I was very much like her and had never been to therapy, but reached a point where I knew I needed help getting beyond the hurt.  I needed to put my life back in order, as it was a disheveled mess.  Let me just say that entering that office and talking with a complete stranger was one of the hardest things I've ever done.  BUT, the only regret that I have is that I did not do it sooner!

During the therapy session, G's therapist tells her that women feel that its their birth right to become pregnant, yet it isn't always that easy.  Her words were profound, as I never thought my husband and I would encounter the struggles that we've had.  I thought we'd say I DO and it would be wedded bliss, 2.5 children, white picket fence and a walk in closet.  Not so.

G talks candidly with the therapist and says "what did we do wrong"?  She says "we go to church, we're good people".  These words pained me, as I had uttered them so many times myself.  To sit and watch her cry a river of tears on the therapist sofa took me back to the day that I had done the same....and it hurt to watch it, but at the same time I was able to see how far I had progressed, which felt good.

Trying Again
For me, this was a very difficult decision and as the show closed G was also struggling with the dilemma.  She says that she needs a break, but feels that she owes it to her husband to give him the family he desires.  At one point she says that being childless is not an option.  Yet, she can't come to terms with facing another IVF cycle.  How many of us have stood in her shoes?  We don't want to hurt our husbands, but we are not mentally and emotionally prepared for another cycle.  I felt very much the same way.  Don't get me wrong, I wanted a child as much or more than my husband, but was scared to face more disappointment.  It's hard to keep falling off the horse, dusting yourself off and getting back on!

Not to mention, the male instinct is so different from the female.  The male instinct says "just try again", but there are so many more layers to the process than merely giving it another shot.

In closing, I will say that watching 2 episodes of Guiliana and Bill was difficult, yet healing on many levels.  I did not want to watch for fear of reliving so much of the pain that I have tried to work through over the past 2 years, but am glad that I did.  I was reminded of the pain, but left to reflect on how far I had come....how I'd healed and grown as a person.  I was reminded that I was human and that infertility and loss take a toll on ones life, but they don't have to claim their "forever joy". 

Lastly, could I have watched and written with the same perspective I have today had I not climbed a mountain and weathered some severe storms?  NO, absolutely not.  But, my purpose in doing so is to hopefully reach someone else out there who is struggling just as I did (and still do on many levels, as a new pregnancy is not a cure all) and offer them a ray of hope that things will get better in "your time".  To offer you prayers and a parallel of my story with another and encouragement for the future.  Be reminded that you are human and what you are feeling is real...don't ever discount that. 

To watch the video clip of Guiliana and Bill on The View click on this link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWcWGxmpV54&feature=related

I could have written a novel today, truth be told, I just did!  And I know I did not hit everything, as this is a condensed version, but maybe it will help someone.

May God guide your journey and may you grasp HOPE with both hands and never lose sight of FAITH.

xxx

14 weeks and Decison Making

Happy Thankful Thursday Bloggie Friends!

Wow, it seems as though time has flown since I posted last!  We have been busy with friends, which feels good and we've also been working on some things around our house...and of course there is always work.  And we hit another milestone, as we are officially 14 weeks and 3 days today!

We have also been faced with some decision making over the past couple of weeks as well.  My wonderful Dr., who I adore, had talked with me about chromosomal testing and various scans and had asked how I felt about them.  To be honest, I was caught off guard by her questions and was in no position to make a decision spur of the moment.  Thus, I told her that I would talk it over with my husband and we would make a joint decision.  Our decision was to move forward with the NT scan.

Last Friday, we met with a Dr. S., MFM High Risk physician, and the NT scan was performed.  This scan brought about lots of anxiety for me, as our baby would be evaluated for abnormalities.  The scan took more than an hour and we got to spend a lot of time gazing at our baby and indulging in the sheer wonderment of the life we had created.  Thoroughly, the tech evaluated our little pumpkin from head to toe and all was normal.  However, there was just one hitch, little pumpkin was positioned awkwardly and the tech had difficulty in getting one crucial measurement, the fold on the back of the neck, which is used to determine risk of Down's Syndrome.  The tech pushed on my belly, I rolled, I rubbed my belly, I laid on my side, she tried both trans vaginal and trans abdominal scans...all to no avail.  Our precious one just did not want to move from his/her comfy spot!  Finally, another tech came in to assist and the pumpkin moved and voila!  We got the one measurement that was so crucial and it was normal.  Praise God!

Oh, and I left out one major detail of the scan.  With a huge smile, the tech said "would you like to know the gender"?  I could hardly contain my excitement....

UNTIL

I looked at my Husband and he exclaimed "I don't want to know"  What?  I am the quintessential planner and this was my moment.  However, I agreed that I would take one for the team and wait it out :)  Talk about a curve ball!  But, it will be fun on reveal day!

And, I forgot to mention that we got loads of pictures of our little prince or princess!  My husband has perused that roll of photos a million times and I love seeing his face as he marvels at our baby....it's just the sweetest!  If I had filmed it, I'd push repeat a million times :) 

13 weeks and 4 days

Oh the decisions we've had to make in the past week and a half!  Once our NT scan was finished we met with Dr. S and he whipped out some standard chart that gave the run down on statistics.  Can I just tell you how much I HATE statistics!  Maybe because I AM ONE...yes, I am a statistic.  At one point I remember reading that I had a 2% chance of the IUI working and you all know how that worked out...I beat it!  I did feel pressured by this Dr. to proceed with the combined screen and went so far as to even do the first phase of blood work, but have decided that enough is enough.  After discussing things with my husband we agreed that more testing would only equal more worry and anxiety and that our NT scan was good and my risk factors are very low and we feel good about things as they are.   Whew, these are the things you have to face when you are prego over the age of 35.

As for other things, all is well and the bump is growing!

14 weeks

How I'm feeling:  Good!  Definitely more energy in the second trimester!

Weight Gain:  3 lbs.

Maternity Clothes:  Not yet, just getting by with "fluffy" sweaters, boy friend jeans and empire waist dresses.  And trying to figure out to dress a bump!  I LOVE clothes and can tell its going to be a challenge to rock the latest styles, but rocking the BUMP is much more fabulous!  I wouldn't trade it for anything :)

Food Cravings:  Still loving the turkey sub at Firehouse Subs.  Tom Khi soup at my fav little asian restaurant and chicken salad on a toasted bagel!  Not really cravings, but I do like them.

Food Aversions:  Veggies are SO not on my radar, but I'm choking them down!  And thanks to Deni and Lori I'm drinking V8 V Fusion...don't love it girls, but I say cheers to you both each swig I take!

Sleep:  Yep, I can sleep like a champ!  Well, sans the 2+ times per night that I get up to go to the Oval Office ;)

What I miss most:  Absolutely nothing!  There is nothing that could be better than this.

Hope that each of you have a wonderful weekend!  Thank you again for all the love that you send to me and know that I pray you always.

What am I most Thankful for this THANKFUL THURSDAY....
The little Pumpkin
GOD!  He always knows my needs
Good Friends & Family
Employment

What are you most THANKFUL for?

Love and Blessings to you all!